Callous Cavity…

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Today’s Reflection

I was a callous shell upon arrival in recovery. There was a thin membrane separating me from many people eager to bring me into the fold.

Over the short course of my addiction, I’d slowly painted a shelter that I thought would provide enough safety and harmony for my own needs.

This proved short lived. It gets bitter and cold shutting people out. Loneliness becomes sour despite aloneness being the very thing I sought out.

Love turns from a vague idea into an ideal out of reach. And so I resent it. I don’t even know what it really means at the time, but I label it as weakness.

Addiction loves when we get to this hollow place. We become easily susceptible to anything it throws our way. The truth becomes a shadow, an afterthought.

We’ve got a lot of unlearning to do when we get to recovery. We are deeply ingrained in a self-centered mess that despite our insulated intentions is spilling out onto the world and people around us.

Learning the meaning of love and how to carry that into every day with a genuine spirit is perhaps a lifetime affair. But I took the first steps toward it when I conceded that I couldn’t survive on my own.

And I’ve been given immense rewards from minimal efforts. As I got willing to follow instructions, new friends and mentors were more than ready to share their experience, strength, hope and suggestions with me.

There are no homebodies in recovery. We must reciprocate with the love and direction we’ve freely been given.

Am I giving back? God, help me speak love into the next callous person.