Chain Reaction

It’s no fun biting my tongue, but it’s one of the best things I’ve learned to do.

Before I began attempting to live by spiritual principles, I was quite loose with my words. I was unbridled. And it was energizing.

But I never seemed to get anywhere. Pessimism was a prize I upheld through many of the early years of my sobriety. I could be scathing with my thoughts and words, though I was usually careful to direct them inward.

If my bent towards life came out, I made generalized, satirical remarks tied together with humor and laced with colorful language.

And you know what, it was well received by some who appreciated a cold take on things.

It did little for me in the long run though. As time went on, I needed more of the experience of my elders and less of the outrage of myself.

Though I had made a good beginning with my sobriety, I needed to grow further in other areas. My personality began to shift again as I drew nearer to healthier people.

My language cleaned up…mostly. My thought life cleared up…slowly. My attention to others increased…slightly. My interests changed…subtly.

And you know what? My anger—something that I didn’t even realize was there—calmed down…substantially.

I’m still a fan of quick, witty responses today, but I’d rather be quiet than bitter—no matter how well I disguise the discontent.

God, help me not slip into corrosive thoughts.