Uneasy

TRUTH

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.

Psalms‬ ‭40‬:‭3

REFLECTION

We’ll know when we’re changing when our friends begin to leave.

Or, more graciously: when they begin to change.

No good work happens to anyone without transformation, and if I’m going to have any sort of permanence to my newfound life, I’ve got to become a new person.

My friends did change. Some came back later—the true ones—but for the most part, my life was completely upended and reset.

The silly thing is how long it took for me to embrace that.

Uprooted from home and reset in another city with every opportunity for a picture-perfect recovery from a way of life I knew was doomed, I naturally slid into many of the same destructive habits and mindsets that led me to addiction in the first place.

Why do we gravitate toward this?

The friends I made looked eerily similar to the ones I’d left. The mind I sharpened still looked inward more than outward.

There were moments of lucidity, and I would have professed a new way of life and thinking, but much looked the same.

God’s work was slow to bloom. My only regret is that I didn’t throw myself at it with abandon sooner. I played with it like a casual musician. I lacked the urgency of one who depended on that music for his livelihood.

That’s been most of my issues ever since, too.

I’ll pursue the right things with the wrong amounts of urgency. I’m too comfortable most of the time.

God, stir me up—keep me from complacent comforts.

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NEXT

When you’re ready, here are some tools for you:

1. Book List (amazon link)
   Some of my favorite reads related to recovery and/or wrestling with faith.

2. 4th Step Guide (free download)
   A PDF with instructions and worksheets for a thorough 4th step. Straight from the Big Book. Fearlessness not included.

3. 12-Step Christianity (YouTube)
   My thoughts on the parallels between discipleship and sponsorship.

KEEP LEANING FORWARD

Cheers, Eamonn
Contact on LinkedIn, YouTube & Twitter.