Dark Times Ahead

The immediacy of sobering up can spill into the expectations for being sober.

I couldn’t clean up fast enough. I needed to stop. I needed to halt, to arrest the pattern of self-implosion. And I needed to do it quickly.

There were no suggestions to hold off and wait a bit. And rightly so. I had a problem. It was evident, and most importantly, I knew it.

Recovery literature does suggest testing ourselves through some controlled drinking if we are unsure whether we really have a problem. But once the problem is affirmed, it’s time to get into action.

Once sober, though, there’s a twist. Despite all the hemming and hawing I went through before I was willing to address my addiction and take action when I needed to, once I did, I had immediate results.

It didn’t all get better straight away, in fact it got worse as I detoxed and went through withdrawals. But things changed quickly and noticeably.

I was on the right path and I knew it.

After this flurry of physically sobering up, we peek around the corner to survey what’s in store and it can get overwhelming. We’ve got a bunch of steps to take, meetings to attend, prayers to say, and habits to establish.

But what about feeling better? When does that happen? What if depression settles in and chains us to what was supposed to be the freeing way of life?

I wish I knew why I’ve had to travel through these periods both early in sobriety and years into the gig. If I knew a way around them, I’d take it.

But I know that through them I’ve learned a little more how to depend on God for strength. How to turn towards Him and take it all to Him. How to persevere and do the next right thing despite not feeling like it. How to lean forward in hopeful expectation even when days, weeks and months go by in a grey fog.

God, help me trust in you through dark times.