For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1‬:‭6‬-‭7

REFLECTION

Well, I didn’t feel powerful, loving or in control. But I had also walked completely away from this gift of God.

I’d taken what I wanted from the faith that I’d been raised in, and I left the rest—most of it—behind.

What did I take?

The act, not practice, of praying. But only for myself.

The belief, not faith, of salvation. But only as a proof of concept.

The assurance, though dwindling, of truth. But only as I needed it.

This doesn’t work in meager portions, though. Faith that is to be hard wired and meaningful must be interwoven in my life. It must become logically, supernaturally and morally wound up in me.

It must become as inescapable as my addiction.

This is the crux of the issue, right? Addiction had become the unbeatable force that ruled me. I continued turning to it for ease and comfort. For satisfaction. For contentment.

I was trying hard to uncover what was ingrained in me to get from Him. And I kept coming up empty after flares of fortune that convinced me if I did a little bit more I’d be ok.

And at the end, whether I’d admit it or not, I did have a spirit of fear—the very thing that Paul called out.

I had inverted the essence of who I had been created to be. And it happened subtlety but quickly. Because the path toward myself is sloped downhill the whole way.

Turning around was as simple as it sounds but harder than one could imagine.

But we are able to pick up the same power and love and self-control we were originally outfitted with.

It just takes a heck of a lot of work resetting good habits. We should not expect this to be easy or quick at first.

In fact, prepare to feel worse before you expect to feel better. But take heart too—contentment does await! Don’t give up before that miracle happens.

God, help me trudge uphill with the firm footing from the power you’ve given me.

2025 PLANNING

I’ve been thinking about what Progress & Perfection will look like next year. You can read more of my thoughts about it here.

For now, though👇

NEXT STEPS

When you’re ready, here are some tools for you:

1. Book List (amazon link)
   Some of my favorite reads related to recovery and/or wrestling with faith.

2. 4th Step Guide (free download)
   A PDF with instructions and worksheets for a thorough 4th step. Straight from the Big Book. Fearlessness not included.

3. 12-Step Christianity (YouTube)
   My thoughts on the parallels between discipleship and sponsorship.

KEEP LEANING FORWARD

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Cheers, Eamonn
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