Free to Squander…

Today’s Reflection

The difficult thing about important gifts is that once we receive them they are still gifts.

We are free to cherish or discard them. We can relish them with joy or dismiss them with indifference.

And the value of the gift matters little.

We’ve all seen the child open a present that we are certain they’ll love only to feel our own anticipation squashed when their face does not shine, their interest is not piqued and ultimately, their joy is not met. They move on.

Moving on is the fear I have never left behind.

It’s not as palpable like it was when I first sobered up. Then I was terrified of relapsing into my old ways and throwing away the scraps of sobriety I’d accumulated.

I’m not longer worried of that happening. But there is a cloud of fear surrounding the idea of slowly discarding the free gift of sobriety, of salvation, of relationship.

It’s an uneasiness that steadies me.

It informs my resolve to lean forward daily. It strengthens my practice of spiritual principles. It encourages my conversations with others. It hollows me out just a little.

Enough for there to be new space for fresh life, for fresh perspective, for fresh wisdom.

These are largely gifts too. I look for them today, but I think of my spiritual trek as a scavenger hunt. The tools are available, but scattered.

All that is required of me is orienting myself toward them daily. It may require work and a fair bit of head scratching. But it’s worth it to stay on the beam.

God, thank you for the gifts of sobriety.

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