Joy

All of it?

The addiction?

The turmoil?

The lies?

The confusion?

The broken relationships?

The lost friendships?

The regret?

The drifting?

How are we supposed to sincerely look in the wreckage of the past with anything but remorse?

And this is not to mention the vast expanse of uncertainty that clouds the present. Sobering up presents many (new) problems as the initial problem (drinking) is arrested.

Now, if we’re lucky, we face the realities of the consequences of our behavior.

Joy doesn’t mean it’s gonna feel good. Maybe that comes later. Joy becomes the deep assurance that we are no longer enslaved. That though we have many amends to make, we rest in the confidence that we are safe from going back.

So long as we stay spiritually attuned. Leaning forward.

Joy comes from companionship. From sharing the experience of darkness for someone’s sake. That maybe they’ll find their way out quicker.

Joy becomes an aspect of life rather than a fleeting emotion. It moves through us unseen as we progress one day at a time through the seeming monotony of sobriety.

So long as we keep at it.

God, keep me hopeful; give me joy I can feel, but help me walk toward it even when I don’t.