Magnitude of God

Today’s Reflection

It’s a good habit to remind myself of how insignificantly small I am.

This truth easily falls to the wayside, especially during active addiction. But even when we sober up, the creep of importance can slip back in quickly.

I don’t mean to say that we aren’t of value. Quite the contrary. I’m talking of actual smallness. The actual minuscule scale of little ol’ me in the word, the universe, the chasm of time.

There are two related pitfalls for me.

One, fear: the blind terror of considering the infinite causes me to shut the door on that train of thought and often discard it as a fairy tale. The plethora of hard-sci-fi movies and shows trying to intelligently consider multi-dimensions and multi-verses does not help matters.

Two, disbelief: the abject impossibility of wrapping my mind around what I profess to believe in causes me to doubt the whole proposition. This is worse than fear because in disbelief I move from apathy to rebellion.

Now, the trick is holding the emotions lightly enough that I can experience them and inviting God into them so that he can direct them, and as a result, me.

A God outside of time overseeing the very nature of things that I know of but can’t decipher is more than able to still the turmoil when I get off the beam.

In fact, he invites me to turn to Him, to ask for help, to receive peace, to be given the mind of Christ.

In these things too, it’s like looking up into the vastness of this little piece of the universe we inhabit and being overwhelmed by the sheer size of it—the magnitude of it.

Luckily, I don’t have to fully understand or I’d never be able to take the first steps forward.

God, help me move toward and back to you even as I don’t understand how you can be.