Now is Purgatory

TRUTH

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

REFLECTION

It seems that life in recovery is lived somewhere between who I was and who I am becoming.

It’s a constant push and pull.

One part of me is being pulled into the past, with all its familiar comforts and torments, while the other is being drawn towards an ever evolving yet unknown future.

I’m squashed in the middle

I still catch myself in old patterns of thought and behavior.

I'll hear the whisper of an old rationale that was once the primary operating system of my life.

These whispers can sound enticing.

The comfort in them is real, if fleeting. It is the comfort of familiarity. But just because it's comfortable doesn't mean it's good.

And on the other side, there’s the newness of life. The possibility of living like a normal human being with a proper range of emotions and an actual desire to contribute.

I get glimpses of this from time to time and I want more.

Yet the fear of the unknown holds me back. This new life demands things that I'm not used to prioritizing: honesty, vulnerability, and empathy. It requires faith that I'm not always willing to seek.

I sit here stuck in the middle, caught between the siren song of my past and the uncertain promise of my future.

And I recognize it. That's progress.

Progress because there was a time when I didn't even notice that I was being torn in half by these competing forces. I was simply a slave to whatever won out in the moment.

Now, I have a choice. And the presence of mind to notice it.

God, help me to seek your freeing faith.

NEXT

When you’re ready, here are some tools for you:

1. Book List (amazon link)
   Some of my favorite reads related to recovery and/or wrestling with faith.

2. 4th Step Guide (free download)
   A PDF with instructions and worksheets for a thorough 4th step. Straight from the Big Book. Fearlessness not included.

3. 12-Step Christianity (YouTube)
   My thoughts on the parallels between discipleship and sponsorship.

KEEP LEANING FORWARD

Cheers, Eamonn
Contact on LinkedIn, YouTube & Twitter.