Spirit Crushing

Anyone ever told you to have an attitude of gratitude? Disgusting, I know.

In the months after sobering up, when I emerged from the cocoon of rehab and stumbled into the real world, I had the misfortune of taking a narrow view of things.

I often defaulted, even as I began working the steps and getting somewhat better, to turning my nose up at simple truths.

I would squint into the sunlight of the spiritual way of life and complain that I couldn’t see the point of whatever I had been suggested to do.

The problem, as it usually turned out, was me. I was looking straight at the sun instead of turning around and seeing what it illuminated.

I was focused on looking backward at how I got here and getting pissed instead of looking forward at the infinite opportunities now available.

And my attitude is the primary fuel for where I look and how long I focus.

Someone told me that I have control over my attitude. I wanted to punch him.

But he’s right. Despite the seemingly irresistible pull toward an emotional reaction to my situation, I have a choice in the way I respond.

It may be very hard to plaster a smile on my face and hold my head up, but it’s possible.

It may not feel good to carry gratitude into my everyday work, but I can if I practice.

It may leave me speechless to adopt a cheerful spirit rather than a judgmental one, but keeping my mouth shut is sometimes the biggest attitude adjustment I could ask for.

And looking back, it’s rare that I don’t realize how disproportionate my negative responses have been to the life in front of me.

God, give me enough of your spirit to lift me out of my gloom.