Stir Crazy…

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Today’s Reflection

We can’t get away from paradoxes in recovery. To the extent I look for solid explanations for how this works, I am frustrated with a mixed bag of contradictory explanations and weird practices.

Contradictory in that we expect for things to work logically in our world today. But the nature of a spiritual way of life demands fluidity in my perspective.

If I am to seek a higher plane of thought and acknowledge that I have been spiritually corrupted, it follows that aligning myself with new, clean spiritual principles will be at odds with the natural self I’ve been catering to in my addiction.

Further, it should not surprise us when we see new, uncomfortable habits suggested to us like prayer, meditation, confession, amends, serving others, etc.

We have had a vague sense of the importance or at least merit of some of these things by proxy of their being highlighted in the stories of others. But the practice of carrying out such practices in daily life seems archaic, difficult and inconvenient.

And lastly, it seems weak, doesn’t it?

Aren’t we still looking for a way out of trouble that spares us the concession of having to ask for it?

Aren’t we still trying to save our own skin even in the worst of times?

What will we sacrifice to hold on to this insane frame of mind when the solution to countless others’ problems have been shared with us? Some of us hold on till the very end.

I want to be content in my weakness. Not content to bend to it and suffer the consequences of addiction and beyond. But content to accept it as my personal invitation to His power. To seek His way rather than mine and bend my mind to recognize the truth. It has not been about me at all.

The new strength I have today is born out of giving up. Its fruits are my ever expanding story. And I water it daily by going to the source water, the Creator, my friend.

Am I okay being weak?