Strangled for the Better

There are few, if any, things more important to us than ourselves. The alcoholic and addict are rarely not afflicted with a deep self-centeredness.

It is a curiosity to others when we are seemingly caring and loving toward them. This is not disingenuous, rather we desire the fellowship and mutual love of friends while being unable to shake the deep seeded pull to look out for number one.

As we recover, this selfishness must be brought into the light and strangled.

It will kill us—it’s just a matter of when.

Sometimes we nurture it like a wound that we are proud to carry. We cut ourselves just before healing and let our selfishness fester.

Sometimes it spirals out of control entirely and runs amok in our lives causing chaos and discord with those around us unlucky enough to actually care for us.

But it will kill us.

Life is a life or death business in every case. And for the addict unable to arrest the progression of the disease, the selfishness that drives them bores a hole in their life and drives a wedge between them and others.

We simply aren’t made to live alone. We need community and without it we disintegrate. Falling apart takes a long time, but it’s not pretty.

Once we make it to safety, the real work begins. The temptation to immediately impart our wisdom to others must be quieted through prayer and listening.

It’s surprising how easily we will get back our opinions once the pains of addiction subside a bit.

God, help me accept and rejoice in the fact that I am the dumbest person in sobriety. Open my ears.