Stupid Smoke…

Today’s Reflection

I had more trouble staying off cigarettes than alcohol and drugs. In fact, I started smoking in rehab. How’s that for stupid?

The first time I stopped smoking was a year or so after sobering up. I quit cold turkey.

But after a few weeks went, I started back up with zero reason. I remember the road I was driving down when I lit the first one.

And there’s the problem. When all things are going well, I am sidetracked by a thought out of nowhere. A suggestion. An idea. An inkling that fidgets in my head like cancer. It doesn’t scream or demand or coerce. It just itches.

And I can’t help but scratch because I need to be distracted from myself. I need to consume. I need to clutch on to something. I need.

We are in need. And we are designed to be this way. We weren’t intended to be enslaved to substances or vices. We are designed to be needy for Him.

God intended us to come to the end of ourselves and seek Him instead.

When I kicked that last bad substance habit, I invited God into the mix. I got support from others. I sought help. It wasn’t the dire immediacy of getting off drugs and alcohol, but it was headed in that direction.

And the solution was roughly the same. There are tools to combat the physical malady. There are proactive steps to take to combat the day to day struggle. And there is an eternal God who cares for us and intends freedom for us.

I remain a work in progress and my sobriety has been an exercise in syncopated patience. But I’m willing to keep at it. I’m continually encouraged by the track record that is now long and full of milestones, memories and mementos.

As I review the dumb past versions of myself, I look forward to how my future self’s perception of this present season will compare to my current judgement. Why we were given the capacity to ponder these things ad nauseum is anybody’s guess.

God, keep me gritty, grounded and grateful.

Until tomorrow, keep leaning forward!

Cheers from Eamonn

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