Am I Willing Enough?

A broken spirit is instantly willing to take drastic measures. Pain motivates me like no other prize possibly can. I want out of my present situation and am more than willing to do anything to get somewhere else.

When the dust clears, though, that same well of willingness is often dry. What was a gorgeous idea has turned into a mirage that is easily forgotten.

How often have we behaved in this way when in active addiction? How often in everyday life?

I am too often seeking a way out rather than toward.

I want out of discomfort rather than to walk toward His will for me.

I want out of danger more than to walk courageously toward it.

I want to keep myself safe while doing what is easy.

This is not compatible with living one day at a time seeking His will and looking for how I can best be helpful to my fellows.

I will be uncomfortable. I will encounter difficulty. I will have to work hard.

These are truths of life that the addict distorts into burdens he alone carries and that become excuses for the perpetual downward spiral.

The true discomfort sets in as I realize that though I’ve found sobriety, I am grossly underprepared for life on my own.

I thought remedying the addiction would bring relief. It instead brought reality—that I am screwed on my own. And that without further willingness to change, things will get worse not better.

God, grant me a steady flow of willingness as I continue to learn how little I know.